Hackney splashes back to stop the wee laddies

© LBH 2015

PeesignAll: 161215 © DavidAltheer[at]gmail.com
Top, eye-catching graphic by council shows its solution to wild widdling: You piddle publicly, lads, wee get you back. Above, section of Hackney’s new peehave-yourself signs, shown below in full

IN THE SPIRIT of Christmas, Hackney has given the media news that allows them to unleash a stream of puns.

Setting the tone with the headline It’s ‘peeback’ time, a press officer gave details of her council’s attempts to counter random weeing. (She took the precaution of putting the peeback joke in quotes for the dull-witted.)

161215 © DavidAltheer[at]gmail.com

The problem of street urination will be solved, Hackney hopes, by walls that “wee back”. An anti-urine coating is being tested in two “wetspots” (yet another council word-play) in Shoreditch and Dalston during the busy Christmas (Pissmas?) and New Year party season.

The coating creates a barrier that completely repels liquid so that anyonelets face it, any manpointing Percy (© Barry Humphries) at the wall will see their urine “bounce” [sic] off, covering their shoes and trousers.

(Spot the flaw in the logic: by that stage most men are way beyond caring about such matters. Sorry, but that’s your English male for you.)

“It also,” added the hapless public-relations officer, “stops urine soaking into the wall, reducing stains and smells.” 

Washing urine off walls and pavements costs Hackney council £100,000 a year. A hundred grand: pee-leaze!

To reduce the problem, the council has fined more than 500 people for publicly weeing this year 2015 – “a threefold rise” on last year 2014 – and is also providing more public toilets.

Two sets of public lavs in Dalston at Ridley Road Market and Dalston Passage, are open 24 hours a day. Tem-pee-rary urinals at New Inn Yard, Gillett Square and Anning Street are open at weekends.

Hackney proudly points out that it is the only London borough to be ranked in the local authority Loo of the Year Premier League. No loo-ser, Hackney.

Wee: Ridley Road Market toilets Dalston London E8 161215 © DavidAltheer[at]gmail.com
Mind your pee and queue: spending 20p at Ridley Road Market

Feryal Demirci, environment councillor, said in the press release that people heading to northeast London for Hackney’s nightlife should think about the people living near by by keeping the noise down and not weeing in the street.

There must be word-play potential in the quote but neither this site nor the Pee R officer can find it. Sorry, guess were just drained.

Hamish Scott 161215

* Picture at top: Mind your pee and queue: punters wait to spend 20 pence at the Ridley Road Market lavatories. All pictures on this page © DavidAltheer[at]gmail.com, apart from main pic, for sale for reproduction. Most photographs can be visually enlarged by pressing on them.

* Backstory: Where to get a drink on Christmas Day; A night out without the shame

* Emboldened underscored words in most cases indicate a hyperlink, a reader service rare among websites. If a link does not work, it is probably because the site to which the URL refers has not been maintained.

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2 thoughts on “Hackney splashes back to stop the wee laddies

  1. All you have to do is pee at an angle and the wee deflects away from you. Think snooker balls: they don’t bounce back the way they came.

    I agree that public loos would be a better spend of money.

  2. I live near London Fields. As for random urination, it would cost Hackney council a fortune to spray, walls, trees and residents’ garden fences.

    If the council does, I am sure the offenders will find somewhere else to pee since they can’t be bothered to use the WCs provided. The council has even built a new WC for both sexes.

    Congratulations on having avoided any of the p***-weak wordplay my colleague so conspicuously failed to hold in. – Ed.

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