A security alert was raised this week after a cross-dresser in a blonde wig and ten balding fat men with tennis rackets aroused a Dalston pound store’s suspicion. CCTV had shown the gang brandishing pillows as they clustered excitedly around a display of 99p packets of handkerchiefs.
Special Branch officers were called, whereupon the gang stated, before being questioned, that they could neither confirm nor deny they were Mossad agents. Any remaining doubt on whether or not they were from the world’s most bumbling secret service was removed when the officers examined the gang’s passports, which were British and carried smudged photocopies of faces unlike their own.
Under questioning, the spies said they had confused “Hackney” with “hankey”.